so ive been a bit upset the past few days. its been everything. getting everything i want, not getting everything i want, the way days have ended up, its just bugged and been quite irritable.
but i realized something right now. things cannot always go as i perfectly would like them, sometimes they get fucked and are not what i expected at all.
i cant always control the decisions people around me will make, and i cant always make you choose me. but i cant choose who i wanna be around the most, and the things i will sacrafice for them or him.
im a control freak. there are things that have made me this way though. i have a huge lack of trust for the ones that i trust the most. you may have never lied to me (yet), you may have nothing to hide from me, i may have the most trust i can have in you right now, but i dont wanna feel paranoid. december does this to me. it isnt even december yet and i feel like its gonna be an emotionally though month. i just wanna wake up and have everything go perfect. make me smile, call when you say you will, answer when i call, dont take forever to see what im doing, have ideas, make me smile.
because i want you. and i even if i cant have you all the time, im happy with what i do get of you.
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