my mind is suffocating me. do you ever wish you could just stop thinking? get me out of my mind because i cant take it anymore. i want to push mute. what do you do when your heart and your mind are thinking completly different things. you know in your mind that its not what you should feel or do but your heart is saying something completely different. how do you know in your heart that it is the right thing to do? i try so hard not to get caught up in the wrong situations, to know in the end im getting what i want out of it. I try so hard not to plan, because plans lead to disappointments. but somehow i find myself wanting to plan, wanting to control, wanting some sort of change.

even though i may be wasting my time, i may be setting myself up to get hurt in the end, it hasnt stopped me. Why did i ever take it this far? was it because its what i wanted or what should have happened? did it bring me happiness? maybe in the moment but at the end of the night im left with this empty feeling. im left going to bed alone, while you have the world to call or to think about. did the friendship grow from this? or did it complicate it more? could we ever really just be friends or was it doomed from the start? i know as much as ive thought about it, as much as we've both gotten hurt, the damage it has done, i still wouldnt change anything. All the bad decisions i made, made us what and who we are, even if im not proud and we'll never forget them.

Maybe we'll never be more than we are now. Maybe some days i want it to change, I want to be more than just a