half hearted

i hate needing someone. i hate that i need you even though i try not to. i can try as hard not to, but in the back of my mind i do need you, and from the bottom of my heart, i miss you more than anything. i rely on you for things to be normal in my life, and honestly theyre a bit boring without you. i thought things would be okay without you. i thought i could go through the day without having someone get mad at me. and for awhile i could. but not anymore. i find myself thinking of fun times we had, jokes only you would laugh at, things we used to do together.

you were always there. and now that your not, i want you there. part of me wishes i could stop being stubborn and say sorry, but another part of me says why say sorry? so you can forgive me and then get mad at me again three days later? i had a lot of time to think when i was lying in bed for that week. I looked through our old text messages. we've gotten in so many fights over nothing, its ridiculous. i miss the old you, times where i felt like i had a best friend. times where everyday was fun, times where i had to say "morning beezy" or it just didnt feel right. when did they stop being fun? when did we forget to laugh?

i'll always miss you, i'll always want more from you. but for now all i can do is let you live your life and try to be happy. but in all reality i miss my bestie.