time for you.

why is it that i make time for everyone? i have a million things to do with my day but if someone says "do you have time" i always find a way to make time for whatever it is. And just because i make time for everyone doesnt mean everyone, or even anyone makes time for me? its not until i stopped making time for someone recently that i realized they dont make time for me. maybe theyve never made time for me, maybe it was me the whole time trying to make time for us. or anybe they did make time before but theyve stopped now. it took me stopping the planning, stopping the good morning texts, stopping waiting for the calls and then giving in and calling for me to realize it wasnt working both ways.

its not that im unhappy that they arent making time either. i just miss it when its gone. i miss the phone calls and knowing how they are. I miss not expecting to hear from them, because at one point in the day i would, because i would break down and call him to say hi. i miss the calls just to say "hi"

panic

one of my favorite feelings, is the feeling you get of finding an old cd or hearning an old song after you havent heard it in forever. that song, or that music brings you back to the same feelings you had, or to even the same person. so as i came across my panic at the disco cd today in a box in my storage i experienced this exact feeling.

to be continued.....

closure

this sums up how im feeling.
im glad we finally have some closure. it was fun, til it got ugly, and im glad after however long it took me to accept the things that happened, i finally do not care about our future.

Why you calling me again
You trying to act all innocent
I ripped yoru pictures all to shreds
You said that it was over
You said that it was over
I can't unforget you
If I triedI threw it all away
It's too lateI can't let you back inside
Not this time
You walked out and you left me
So what was I supposed to do
Can't unforget you
Goodbye goobbye goobye

Can't unforget you
Goodbye
Don't wanna lead you on
There was a time when you were all I ever wanted
Until now the windows close forever
And I've finally got over
Yeah I've finally got over
I can't unforget you if I tried
I threw it all away
I can't let you back inside
Not this time
You walked out and you left me
So what awas I supposed to do
Can't unforget you
Goodbye goobye goobye
Your feeling desperate
You want me to take you back
Don't think I'll fall for it
You only want what you can't have
No no noI can't unforget you if
I triedI threw all away
It's too lateI can't let you back inside
Not this time
You walked out and you left me
So what was I supposed to do
Can't unforget you
Goodbye goobye goobye
Can't unforget you
Goodbye goodbye goodbye
Unforget you
Goodbye

not allowed

its kind of weird to not be allowed anymore. its not so much as that i CANT come over, its the fact that there are so many boundaries to it now. i took for granted always being able to just hang out with you and now you wont even talk to me. i feel lost without you. sometimes i just want to know how you are, i wanna know you still.